(in collaboration with the amazing Katrina Gayle Blanco)
The First One He’s the first flower to bloom after the harsh winter nights; strong and noble, he broke through the layers of ice you covered your heart with – he is spring. He is the first ray of sunlight that travelled across the universe to kiss you the warmth of a new day, the one that breaks through the darkness you covered yourself with. He is the morning after a long, rough night; the one who keeps you looking forward to a new day. He is hope; the beginning of everything; the beautiful start. He is the introduction – the first line in a story; the first “hello” and the first “goodbye”. He is the beginning and you love it because you know there’s always more to come.
He is Prince Charming straight from the bedtime stories you’ve read; he came into your life on a white horse and you feel like Juliet on the balcony as you utter his name in the dark; again and again you play with it in your mouth because you’ve never tasted something so good. It’s unbelievable, the way he makes you feel; he touches you with hands as gentle as the morning dew that slides down a leaf, whispers your name like it’s his prayer at night and there are times when he plays with it in his mouth, moving it back and forth with his tongue and all you can do is melt into his arms. Ahh yes, his arms – strong like the arms that carried you when you were a baby and you love to cling to it all the time because you have not felt another man’s arms besides your father’s and it feels good; to be protected, to be secure and to know that you are safe. Safety, that’s what he makes you feel. All your life you have been guarded because life is cruel but with him, you tore down the walls you have built. He is the first man you welcomed into your sanctuary. And first to burn it down.
He is your failed attempt, your best lesson. He taught you all there is to learn about love, and he was certain he made you feel it. The first love – he is your benchmark. He is who you compare every other love with, and he is the toughest one to beat. He was the man you shared every beginning with, as he was the same man who experienced the first of many endings with you. He is long gone, his goodbye was spoken seemingly more than a thousand lifetimes ago, but he still lingers – he will always linger, and no matter where life takes you, a part of your heart will always belong to him.
The One He is the reason why you are willing to fall in love over and over again. The only person you feel who is worthy of all the pain life can put you through. He knows you, backwards and forwards, and is willing to go through time and space to find whatever it is that you need. You would go to hell and back for this guy, as he would you, and all the sacrifices in the world would not amount to what you are willing to give up for his love. He is the guy you casually dated in hopes to fill the empty spaces on your hands where countless of guys have tried to fill, but failed; he is the one who succeeded. He’s the guy you thought was like the other guys but he proved you wrong. He is the sigh of relief after a long search for a melody that harmonized well with yours. The One made you realize why it never really worked with anyone else; The One made every single failed attempt with someone else worth it. He’s the one who beat The First One, the one who makes you feel infinite, the one whose eyes reflected the glimmer of forever from the night sky.
He memorizes the pattern at the back of your hand, he can recite to you your favorite poem and most importantly, he appreciates your worth. He can finish your sentences, order your coffee, and go through your daily routine. You know he isn’t perfect but you look past the cracks on his soul because you have them too and they perfectly fit the ones on his; you were made for each other. You are not soul mates nor are you two souls who found their way into each other’s lives. You are one cosmic being the universe created even before both of you were born, preserved in the history books of the stars. And that is why you love tracing the constellations on his skin and he kisses the stars on yours. He is every broken piece of you and every little thing in your life. He is all the simplest things combined together to create the entire picture; to create the whole of the both of you. He is the other half, The One whose every single attribute matched yours perfectly.
But just because he is the one, it doesn’t mean he is The One you’d end up with, or The One you’d spend the rest of your life with, and he proved you right. Your goodbye with The One was excruciating, like half of your body was being brought away with him – it got more painful with every step he took. There became a hollow pit in your chest where he used to live and every time you tried to touch the place where your heart is supposed to be, you felt nothing but the sting of the empty space there; nothing lasts forever and you wish the nothingness in your chest would go away. As time passed, you’ve learned to live your life without constantly touching your hand in hopes of feeling his; but you never really got rid of your heart beating faster every time his name comes up in a conversation, and you’ve never really stopped your habit of looking for his face in a crowd. He will be the waves that will keep on crashing on your shore again and again; there will be times when you will completely forget about him but he will always find his way into your head. He was your daily routine and you of all people know how hard it is to break from your favorite habit. He is the favorite book you have finished reading but refuse to put down – but you know that you have to if you want to go on with your life and start reading others. But he’ll always be on the list.
The Last One He is your destination, the one who will lie with you at night after a long day’s work. He will cradle you in his arms and take your entire burden from you. He’s your safe haven, the one who will let you rest. The Last One is the one who is trying to make forever work, you both know that it doesn’t exist but you still bother to try anyway – that’s what makes him different. He is the prize – no, trophy – you receive after making it through every single goodbye, for surviving all the painful heartaches, the gold in the treasure chest you spent countless of hours, days, looking for in the deserted forest. He is the last molecule of oxygen inside a gas chamber, the end-point, the equilibrium. He is the morning star, the one who stays even after your favorite constellation disappeared. The Last One is the saving breath after being underwater for so long, he is the one who keeps you going – the one who keeps you alive.
He makes your heart beat more than all of your other ex lovers did combined. He makes you smile more than anyone else did. He loves you more than you ever thought possible. He is The First and The One combined – the epitome of love in all of its forms, the personification of love. You will have a hard time believing in him because of all the struggles you’ve had to put up with the guys before him but he is the one who will open up your eyes and make you believe that he is the one who will stay, that there is someone who will stay with you.
The Last One gives you more – more of everything everyone ever gave you. He makes you feel more, want more, need more, love more and be more.
The Last One shows you the true essence behind the saying, “patience is a virtue”. The Last One makes you believe that God waited this long to give you the best, and to give him the best. All of the things that you have experienced were lessons for you to be better for The Last One, to prepare you for him. He is the one who will not only read all of your stories, but keep you with him wherever you go; you are his favorite book, the most treasured art piece.
He understands that you still carry in your heart The First and The One but doesn’t bother and worry about them because he knows that they only occupy a minute place in you now because he knows that time has eroded them from you – the reason why it took both of you so long to find each other – and he knows that he is your present tense and he will do everything to stay that way and be the future tense you deserve. He will not try and take them away from you because he accepts you for everything that you are; your past, present and future. The Last One is the one who will make you realize why it didn’t work out with The First and The One – he’s the guy who will make you realize that you do not need The One to make you happy.
The Last One may not be The One or may not have been The First One, but he is the best one, the one you deserve.
See The World Through My Iris 