Drunk Text

Give me liquor and beer, drown me with any toxic concoction you can think of and let the alcohol run through my veins – I still won’t send you a text.

I am not a drunk texter.

I am a 6 am texter and I will flood you with good morning texts until you wake up. I will not want to get out of bed and I will touch my hand where you held it in my dreams. I will ring you up at 6:30 am just to hear your morning voice, as you sleepily rub your eyes and answer me with an edge to your voice; I’ll be smiling at the other end of the line – falling in love with you.

I am a 2 pm texter and I will tell you I am thinking of you in the midst of my class. I have a lot of things to do but I will find time to let you know you still cross my mind, even at such a busy time. I will ask you how your day is going and send you a joke to make you smile. I will tell you I miss you, because I really do, and hope you say you do too – and mean it.

I am a 6 pm texter and I will tell you to keep safe as you go home, my eyes will constantly scan the darkening horizon in hopes of spotting your face in the crowd and I will want to know where you are. I will text you again to make sure you’re okay and wish upon the angels in heaven to guide and guard you; because if I had a choice, I would choose to wrap you inside my rib cage where you will be safe and close to my heart.

I am a 10 pm texter, when the warm sheets of my bed and the soft pillows wrap me in the darkness – that’s when I will ask you how your day went and I will tell you about mine, which is mostly about thinking of you and missing you in between the seconds of every hour. I will tell you my secrets, bare my mind and strip my soul and wish we’re sharing the warmth of each other’s skin. I will let your heavy breathing lull me to sleep and the intimate silence that will stretch between the two of us over the phone will be my favorite bedtime story – the story of how I am falling in love with you again and again.

I am a 2 am texter. When you are peacefully asleep on your bed, I will tell you I love you – that in the darkness of the hour, it is you who I choose to love. It’s when my thoughts and demons scratch my skin and haunt my head and only you can calm my chaos-driven existence. I love you. I will tell you I love you; repeat it again and again until it reaches you in your dreams and you will feel my lips linger at the edges of your skin and my warmth surrounding you because I love you – goddamn I love you. I will tell you I love you and never get tired of saying it. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I will tell you I love you, not because of the loneliness of the hour but because in the silence that will come after, I find solace knowing my I love you will be the first thing you feel in the morning – and you’ll know I truly love you, because I really do. I love you.

I have not yet sent a single 6 am, 2 pm, 6 pm, 10 pm and 2 am text but when I do, the reason would not be due to the suffocating effects of alcohol nor of the deathly grip of loneliness – no. I will send you these texts because I am drowning in memories of us and they will be my signal to you and I will know that I am saved.