Why You Shouldn’t Fall In Love With Me

Don’t fall in love with me because I’m tall. I’m a six feet giant in the middle of a crowd and my head sways from side to side above the black sea of strangers. You will never experience sweet surprises and unexpected back hugs because it’s hard to hide me in a crowd; I can be seen even if you use Google maps. There’s a great distance from my lips to yours and you can’t rest your head on my shoulders when we hug. You can’t bury your face on my neck when you cry and I know it’s a nuisance for you to tiptoe when we hug or kiss just so we could feel like our anatomies fit perfectly. Don’t fall in love with me because there are great distances between us.

Don’t fall in love with me because I write. I’m a delusional boy trapped inside my head most of the time. I will not pay attention to you as you tell me about your holiday because my mind will wander off to who knows where, constructing a world from words handpicked in midair. I will daydream all the time that you will begin to question my sanity. I will waste my time in front of my computer, constantly pressing the backspace button instead of going to the movies with you. You won’t be able to hold my hand because I’ll let go to fetch my pen and paper when an idea pops in my head. I will use my words as a weapon to lure you and then cut you open. Don’t fall in love with me because I will write about you and you will find yourself immortalized in the sheet of paper in front of me and I will make you into a metaphor until you will feel me in everything that you do; you will feel my skin as the droplets of water touch you in the shower, taste my lips as you sip your morning coffee, smell my scent when he gives you flowers, see my eyes as you stare at the setting sun, hear my voice in your favorite soundtrack.

Don’t fall in love with me because I’m a monster. I’m not the Prince Charming who’ll wake you up with true love’s kiss. I’m an anchor and I will bring you down with me. My head is a dementor and it feeds me with thoughts; screaming thoughts that keep me awake at night and thoughts that claw their way into my skin. There will be nights when I will be wrapped with alcohol stains and cigarette breath. I am unpredictable and unbearable and you will hate me because I will confuse your “I love you” with “What is wrong with you”, your “I miss you” with “I don’t want to see you” and your care and affection for annoyance and animosity.  My body is a battlefield between my heart and my head and I’m a weapon of destruction; I explode at any given moment. Don’t fall in love with me because I annihilate every beautiful thing that’s in my life.

Don’t fall in love with me because I will fall in love with you. I will become an addict, a mad man addicted to every possible inch of you; every curve, every crevice, every nook and cranny, every cell that consists of you. I’ll tell you I love you and it will mean that I love you; no exceptions, no excuses. It includes all of you; the bad and the good, the scar on your lower jaw, the pimple on your nose, your morning breath, messy hair, awkward strut, smelly feet and sweaty hands. It will include all your imperfections, especially your imperfections. I will meld my world into yours and you will become a star where I will revolve. I will take each and every clichéd movie moments and make it happen; I will make your fiction into reality. People will point and stare at us because they have never seen such a spectacular display of constellations that our dusts will make and we will let them. Don’t fall in love with me because forever doesn’t exist and I intend to love you beyond the extent of forever.